What Do You Do All Day?

There is one question that fills me with dread because I'm usually unsure how to answer it, "What do you do all day?"

That question comes from doctors who presumably want to make sure I'm not wallowing in self-pity. It comes from acquaintances who are probably trying to make small talk. It comes from strangers who are intrusively asking me to justify my existence.

It differs from the more specific, "What did you do today?" That's fairly easy. Most days I probably had a nap. Maybe I watched some TV and played with my cats. On an ambitious day I may have cooked a meal or gone out. I can answer with one thing and people are satisfied.

"What do you do all day?" is asking me to account for 24 hours of activity. Society prizes productivity, and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis makes productivity difficult in the best case and dangerous in the worst case. Others with M.E. dread this question as well. The truth is that we survive. Not everyone with a chronic illness or disability is able to work or handle a side hustle. I've had to let go of a lot of hobbies either due to brain fog or lack of energy and stamina. Just because I can't work doesn't mean that I get to relax all day. You'd be surprised at how difficult it is to relax when you have a chronic illness.

Mostly these days I spend time with my cats, watch TV and movies, and plan. I plan renovations I'd like done to the house some day to make it more accessible. I plan what landscaping I'd like in the front yard to make it low maintenance. I plan a future pergola in the back yard for Daniel and I to enjoy. I plan a catio for our cats to enjoy. I plan the cruise I want to take one day, hopefully in the next year. Maybe you'd call it wishing instead of planning since plans tend to have funding. But it's how I spend time and it gives me something to look forward to. I suppose that what I do all day is look forward, and that's good enough for me right now in my current state.