When Your Spouse Becomes Your Carer
- Kary Pearson
- Apr 7, 2023
- 1 min read
Daniel and I have always had a relationship that felt equal. He doesn't mind the chores and responsibilities that I don't like, and vice-versa. Things always felt evenly distributed. That changed when I got Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.
Daniel now earns all of the money, has to do all of the household chores, and take care of me. Nearly all of the responsibility is on him. Things are far from evenly distributed. I've lost a lot of my independence, and he's had to take on a lot more responsibility.
A lot of people with M.E. either don't have a spouse or partner, or have one who doesn't understand or believe what they're going through. Divorce rates for people with chronic illnesses are higher than average. Most people who marry someone healthy expect that person to stay healthy.
I've found myself apologising to Daniel for the things I can no longer do. I consider myself lucky that he's always reassured me that he's happy to help me. "In sickness and in health," is what he always tells me. He might not mind the shift in dynamics, but it's still something I'm getting used to.
From the other side of this perspective, I still see us equal. If we write down all of the things you do for me or help me with we would come out even, I think. Yes, I do all the things that you said but where would I be without your assistance with finances, organisation, rational and encouraging guidance. You are much more than being able to do physical things. You are my carer too. I don't care what anyone thinks of that title. I try to do what you can't or assist you and you do the same. We are pretty damn awesome. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me 💓