Mourning My Old Self

I've heard from a lot of people with chronic illnesses that they mourn their old selves, and I do too. Mourning a loss is totally normal. If someone loses a loved one or has a major life change, everyone understands the need to mourn. But I think that fewer people understand when someone mourns themself.

When you think about mourning the loss of another person, it's a perfectly acceptable way to adjust to having an absence in your life. But mourning your former self is seen as self pity. How is it different though? I'm adjusting to a loss in my life. It's sometimes easier to try and not think about, but how can I move forward and adjust if I don't let myself acknowledge this major life change?

I mourn the things I used to be able to do. I wish I could dance with abandon at a concert again. I wish I could make plans at the last minute, walk around the nature preserve, and even go out for more than an hour or so at a time. Who wouldn't? I mourn the me that used to be able to live my life without carefully rationing it. But admitting that is still taboo.

Most people want those with chronic illnesses or disabilities to look on the bright side, stay cheerful, and be brave. The thing is, we can still do that while mourning our old lives. They aren't mutually exclusive. But a lot of people just aren't comfortable with emotions they see as negative. I'm sure that part of it is that they genuinely want us to be happy, but sometimes we need to just deal with those sad emotions. If we bottle up those emotions, they're going to explode eventually.