Rationing Life

This is what pacing myself is like. I went out of the house for an event yesterday, and now I feel exhausted, sore, and like I'm full of lead. Two and a half hours out of the house in the afternoon, seated in my wheelchair, did that to me. I'd like to shower today, but instead I need to pace myself and rest.

I still feel like I'm letting people down when I can't go out. I'd like to visit my inlaws more, but the more I push myself, the worse I feel. I know they understand, but I still feel bad.

I don't have a set schedule, but I can do most things once a week. I can shower once a week, twice if I'm lucky. I can make a meal almost once a week. I can go out for 30 minutes to an hour about once a week, sometimes twice on a good week. It's hard for me to do things 2 days in a row. I can't shower one day then cook the following day. I don't have the spoons. Someone once described pacing as rationing out your life, and that feels so true.