Constantly Shrinking World

Today I saw this comic by Kornelia Paulsen, and I'll be damned if it doesn't nail how I feel. My world is shrinking, and my goals are shrinking proportionately. I'm not giving up, I just don't want to set an unobtainable goal. I have extreme fatigue and weakness with orthostatic intolerance, I know that I'm not going to be able to go canoeing and zip lining any time soon.

I know that I've gone on about vacations lately, because I think it's been around 10 years since I've had one, for various reasons. Honestly, I'm not sure what my last vacation was. Was it when Daniel and I went up north and drove to Mackinaw?

Now I just want to decorate our bedroom. I have the colours chosen, and I know where I want to move the furniture. But even that seems unobtainable. We would need to hire people to do it all. I also want a new window in here because the current one provides no insulation.

The sad truth behind all of this is that I feel like my condition is declining. I've improved my eating habits, I drink plenty of water, I've tried supplements, I'm trying the one medication that has helped some people with M.E. I see a GP, a rheumatologist, a physiotherapist, and a dietician. But this illness is unpredictable and has no known cure.

One of the things I learned in the past while in therapy was that everyone should have multiple hobbies/interests/things that they care about. That way if something happens to one, you have others to fall back on. But M.E. keeps on taking until you're lucky to have anything left.

My point in sharing this is partly to vent, partly to educate people who don't have M.E., and partly to let people with M.E. know that they aren't alone in feeling this way.

The bright spots in my very small life are Daniel, and our cats. Daniel is always here for me and supports me. Our cats give me constant company, entertainment, comfort, and joy.